A New Cycle Has Begun!

I went to my RE appointment yesterday, and started on the birth control pill, which I will only be on for about a week. I will then start Follistim, then later Repronex and Antagon. So the next retrieval is only a few weeks away! We will also do another saline sono next week to make sure my uterus looks OK after the last surgery. Hopefully everything will look well so that we can proceed.

On a different note, my husband and I went to Atlantic City yesterday after the appointment, and I won $250 on a slot machine! May not sound like an awful lot, but I was very excited. Any win is good as far as I'm concerned. We had a good day.

I am feeling pretty good about things right now. Finally being at the point where we are moving on with our next IVF has me in much better spirits. My sister is due to give birth any day now, so pretty soon I will have a new nephew, who will be my first godson!

Nervous Anticipation

I made my cycle day 3 appointment today for Saturday morning! I am very excited to try again, but equally as nervous. There are just so many emotions that go along with IVF. The daily injections are the easy part! I hope and pray for it to work again, but to end very differently - with a live, healthy baby or two! I have to say, I would much rather have a negative than another miscarriage, but I guess that goes without saying.

In the midst of all the war, terrorism, and natural disasters that seem to be filling our lives these days, every now and then I read an article that seems nothing short of a miracle. Here's hoping that my miracle comes true!

A Word of Caution

I would like to offer a piece of advice to anyone who is pursuing IVF: request blood work to detect the presence of an autoimmune disease before the procedure is completed!!! I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease when I was 17 (juvenile rheumatoid arthritis and uveitis). I am now 31 and have no symptoms of the arthritis, but still have the uveitis. In all my years of being treated by many doctors, not one told me that the illness may cause miscarriages! I honestly had no idea. When I began seeing my RE, I was not asked if I had an autoimmune disease until my physical exam that is performed a few days before the retrieval! Why I was not asked during my first appointment I will never know, but I can assure you, I am very, very pissed about it! This may have cost me my baby! My rheumatologist is currently doing another series of blood tests to determine whether or not I have anything that could have caused the miscarriage. If I do, it can be treated. Please do not be naive like me, be tested before your first IVF!!! There is nothing worse than the feeling of miscarrying a genetically normal baby!

IVF #1 and the Miscarriage - Part 3

After my husband and I cried and composed ourselves, we had to tell our families the horrible news. Everyone had been so excited and happy for us, and I knew it would crush them. Each time I said the words "our baby's heart stopped beating" it felt less and less real. How could this be? I already had an appointment scheduled for the next day with my RE, and hoped that the equipment they used at this other place was inaccurate, and that everything really was fine. A long shot, but maybe a possibility.

When my name was called at the RE, I walked up and told the nurse what had happened. She looked at my chart and said "I don't understand, everything was going so well". That made two of us. They took me in right away and confirmed the inevitable - no heartbeat. The sonographer called the doctor in to confirm, and of course the doctor explained to us that it was the case. I asked if the sound could be turned on so that we could make sure there was no heartbeat, and she told us that she could see that there was no longer any blood flow to the baby. I started to cry, and she hugged me. She told me to have a D & C with genetic testing, to determine if the baby was chromosomally abnormal. My husband and I left extremely sad, but not surprised. I really can't even remember how I felt at this point, but I imagine I was numb. The denial stage was over, it was confirmed by two doctors. I scheduled the D & C for four days later. I was not looking forward to it, but I knew it had to be done.

The morning of the surgery I was a little nervous, but not terribly scared. The surgery went smoothly, and I was home that afternoon. I was not in any pain, and had hardly any bleeding. It just seemed too easy, but I was grateful. I had been through enough. Now we had to wait for the genetic testing results. A few days later, we went up to a mountain resort house for the day with my husband's family. I felt a little crampy, but nothing horrible. When I got out of the car and walked up several flights of stairs, I began having terrible cramps. I knew it was a mistake coming here, being that it was two hours away from home and I was stuck. The cramps continued on and off really strong. I took some Tylenol, but it did not help at all. Finally we left, and after an hour stopped at a rest stop. When I got out of the car, I felt a gush of liquid that did not stop coming out. I dashed to the bathroom, and discovered I was bleeding profusely. Since I thought the bleeding was over a couple of days before, I had no pads with me, and the restroom had no pads. What a freaking horrible situation. I did the best I could with what I had, ate dinner, and headed home. The bleeding and cramps continued into the following day. I just figured it was a delayed reaction. That night, my husband and I argued, and he left to go to a relatives house. While he was gone, something horrible happened. While I was sitting on the toilet bowl, I heard something rather large fall into the water (not what you might be thinking). I got up, and removed what I thought was a blood clot. It was big, and it was not a clot. It was pinkish tissue that resembled what an embryo of six weeks looks like. I completely freaked out, crying and screaming, and called my husband to come home. He looked at it, and agreed with me that it looked like the baby. We thought one of two things: 1) My gynecologist screwed up the surgery and did not remove the baby, or 2) There were twins, one had died and the other was still alive, and the surgery killed it. The thought of the second option really screwed us up. But we just didn't know what the hell had happened. We headed to the hospital, and were there all night. I was examined, and we submitted the tissue for genetic testing. Now we were waiting for two different results.

Thank God, it turned out that the second tissue was not a baby. It must have been a piece of my lining. The genetic testing from the baby came back as a normal female. This really hurt. My baby was normal, but I miscarried anyway. I could understand a miscarriage if the baby is abnormal - this is nature's way. But how do you explain the miscarriage of a normal baby. I called my RE with these results, and he agreed that we should do some blood work since I have a history of autoimmune problems, and do a hysteroscopy and laparoscopy to see if there is a septum. I got my blood work done the next day, and went in to the office a couple of weeks later for the results. Everything came back negative, except for one. I was borderline on a test for Anticardiolipin Antibody, a clotting disorder. Under 10 is normal, and I was 11. This was horrible news, and he reordered the test and scheduled the surgery. It was possible that I did not have the disorder since it was so borderline. People with colds or infections could test positive and not have it. Thank God the second test came back normal. On to surgery.

I was very nervous the day of the surgery because I did not know what the doctor would find. He was hoping to find a normal uterus. What he found was a septum, and mild to moderate endometriosis, and some scarring. He repaired the septum and lasered the endometriosis. When I woke up and spoke to the doctor, I cried when I heard this. I had been misdiagnosed as having a bicornuate uterus before the IVF. Had the correct diagnosis been made, maybe this could have been avoided! I thought about suing, I thought about not going back to this practice, but ultimately, they did get me pregnant on my first IVF, and I did not want to start over again. My goal in all of this is not financial gain, it is to have a baby or two.

So here I am back to present day, and will begin my second IVF cycle at the end of this week. I will start taking the birth control pill on day three of my period, skip the Lupron since I did not suppress the last time, and go right to the stims. I am excited about moving on, and hope that this time is the time. I was told by my doctor that my uterus is in much better shape, and that it is wider than the average uterus. Maybe this will make for a more inviting environment for twins! I am trying to stay positive, but a part of me thinks that with the success rates for IVF being about 30-40%, this time may not work. I can only hope it does! My sister will be giving birth soon, so I am exciting about that. I just want good things for everybody. I don't want to live life feeling unfulfilled anymore. It is no way to live, and it is not fair to my husband. I just don't think I could ever be truly happy if I don't have children. But I can't go there. Here's to a successful IVF #2!

Dear Faith

Dear Faith,

I hope you know how much I love you and wanted you. It was a miracle that you were brought to us, and why you were taken away I will never know. The most difficult moment of my life was the one when I was told that you were no longer alive. I prayed that you would be healthy, but God had other plans for you. Wherever you are and whatever you are doing, please know that Mommy and Daddy love you very much and miss you. I so badly wanted a little girl, and when I was told that is what you were, it hurt even more. I don't know how these things work, but if you could come back to us in our next pregnancy, that would make us very happy. But if that is not how it works, I understand. I hope there is nothing that I did to hurt you. I am told that is not possible, but who really knows. I hope you are at peace, and know how much you are still loved. I will never forget you, and hope that some day you have brothers and sisters here on earth with Mommy and Daddy. We will not give up until that happens.

Love,
Mommy

IVF #1 and the Miscarriage - Part 2

After the first sonogram revealed nothing, I really was not so hopeful that this would turn out as I had hoped. I was very pleasantly surprised to get a phone call that afternoon informing me that my HCG levels were 1174! This sounded like great news, since the levels had tripled from two days ago. But then I realized that at this level, it is possible to see a sac. I mentioned this concern to the nurse, and she agreed and said that they were kind of thinking that this was probably an ectopic pregnancy. Not good news at all. I was to return in three days for a repeat sono, and this would be the one to determine what was going on. I just felt horrible. I was finally pregnant, and could not enjoy it at all. Every single pain I felt in my side convinced me that the pregnancy was ectopic. I was not looking forward to the treatment of an ectopic pregnancy either - you know, the drug that is labeled "Chemotherapy"!
I returned for my repeat sono with my hubby, and was as nervous as I'd ever been. I knew this was the moment of truth. But there it was, the moment the wand was inserted, a sac was visible! And it looked good! I cried tears of joy, and of course my husband was thrilled! This was going to turn out OK after all! I would prove the doctors wrong. It was not ectopic, and it seemed I was not going to miscarry. I breathed a sigh of relief, but felt the uneasiness again knowing that I would have to return the following week for another sonogram. The one that would reveal the heartbeat! This would be the biggest one yet! Throughout this ordeal, my family and friends all told me that they knew everything would turn out OK. They all just "had a feeling". I wanted to believe them so. I even named the baby Faith, since I was positive it was a girl. We had planned on other names for a girl, but Faith seemed so appropriate since we had to have a lot of it to get through this.
The day of the next sonogram I wanted to throw up. Not morning sickness - I hadn't had any of that. I was so nervous I was sick. As soon as the wand was inserted, I asked the sonographer if there was a heartbeat, and she said yes!!!!!!!! Yes, there was a heartbeat!!!!!! Wow, we were most likely out of the woods! The RE of the day told me that once you have a heartbeat, your chances for miscarriage drop to under 5%. This really made me feel as if things were going to work in our favor, and that our baby was going to be OK! What a dream come true, to go through such heartache and come out of it with something so wonderful and positive! We shared the good news with our family, and of course, shared the new sonogram picture with everyone. I got a call that afternoon with my HCG levels of 3168, and was also told to stop the PIO because my progesterone levels were off the charts! Great! A healthy pregnancy and no more shots! I was told they would only see me one more time, and that I should make an appointment with my regular OBGYN. I wanted to do that as soon as possible since I was paranoid about my bicornuate uterus, having read that it may be associated with an incompetent cervix.
I saw my OBGYN a few days later, and explained the situation to her. She did not seem overly concerned about an incompetent cervix, and said that rather than just doing a cerclage, she would monitor me every week or so to measure my cervix. She wanted me to have a sonogram done from her office to determine dating and cervical length. I made the appointment for two more days. I left feeling great. I was finally one of the pregnant girls in the waiting room. I did not feel jealous anymore. I felt fulfilled and completely content, and blessed! I overcame what looked like a failed pregnancy. Or so I thought.
The sonogram for my OBGYN was performed in the perinatologist office across the hall. I signed in, and noticed I was number 13 on the sheet. Yuck, I hate that bad luck number! But oh well, no point in being superstitious, everything was going to be fine. I was called in, and was met by a very nice sonographer and a sonographer in training. The trainee inserted the wand I believe, and the trainer guided her. It was taking a while, and I asked if everything was OK. The trainer said "Oh yes, everything is fine, please be patient with her, she is learning". I said no problem, take as long as you need, as long as I know everything is OK. They made note of the embryo, then explored my entire uterus and cervix, noticing the curve of my cervix and heart shape of my uterus. That was the first time my heart shaped uterus was noticed during a sonogram. Then the trainer took over, and spent a very long time looking around my uterus. She did not tell me anything was wrong, she was just silent. She handed the wand back over to the trainee, and told her to practice, and that she would be right back. The trainee looked around for another few minutes as if everything was completely fine, and then told me to get dressed for the doctor. I had a feeling something was up. I got dressed, and the sonographer came back in with the doctor. In a German accent (I think), the doctor introduced himself to me, and mispronounced my name. I corrected him, and he said "Mrs. ..., I have looked at the pictures, and unfortunately the news is not good". I said what do you mean, as I could feel my heart pounding and the blood draining from my body. It is difficult to write this, I am about to cry. He said "There is no heartbeat. I am sorry". I said that is impossible, we had a heartbeat last week. He said "If you had a heartbeat last week and there is not one now, that is not good news, but you can come back in a few days and we can check again". I asked if we could please check again right now, and he said sure. I removed my pants again, had the wand inserted, and it was confirmed that there was no heartbeat. My baby died. I was in shock. I asked if it was something I did, and I was told of course not. Something was probably genetically wrong with the baby, and I would miscarry within the next couple of weeks. He told me to try to save the "tissue" if I was able to, and bring it in for genetic testing. The sonographer told me she was sorry, and that she felt like crying. I felt hot and numb and dizzy. I could not believe this was happening. I got dressed, and got the hell out of there. The second I walked outside, a man asked me for directions to the bank I used to work for. How much crueler could life get right now? I could barely walk, let alone give directions. I drove home in a state of shock, and really did not cry yet. That didn't happen until I pulled into the driveway and saw my husband standing at the door waving and smiling at me. I did not smile back. He stopped smiling. I practically fell into his arms as I walked into the house. I told him our baby's heart stopped beating, and cried hysterically. He was shocked and hurt. We both cried, but I cried harder. It was a horrible gloomy rainy day, and now I knew why. Part 3 to follow.

IVF #1 and the Miscarriage - Part 1

At the end of July 2004, I began my first IVF cycle by starting the birth control pill. It was the first time I had ever been on the pill, and I joked with a friend about how ironic it was that I had to go on the pill to get pregnant. During this time frame, I had a saline sono performed by one of the REs at my center, who had a very difficult time inserting the catheter into my cervix. That was extremely painful and scary. Finally, she was able to figure out the "curve", and completed the procedure. She told me everything was OK, and exited the room. After I got dressed and was about to leave, she re-entered the room, telling me that she looked at the pictures again, and was not so sure they were normal. Completely freaked out, I asked her what this meant. She told me that it was possible that I had bands of fibrous tissue that could easily be removed with surgery. I did not know she meant a septum. I explained to her that my HSG was normal, and she wanted to see it. A week later, I met with my main RE, who told me that the HSG appeared normal, but the saline sono did not, and he wanted to make sure by ordering a 3D sonogram of my uterus to determine if I had a septum, or a bicornuate uterus. I scheduled the test right away, and it was determined that I had a heart shaped bicornuate uterus. They did not believe that anything needed to be done about it, and they felt that because it was not severe, it should not negatively affect a pregnancy. Happy with this, we proceeded with the IVF cycle.

I believe I was on the pill for about 3 weeks before I started on Lupron, which I hated. Unfortunately, I did not suppress on the Lupron, so I had to stop taking it and wait until I got my period the following week. On day three of my period, I began Follistim, and then Repronex a few days before the retrieval. Everything seemed to be going well. I did have one follicle that was growing faster than the others, but in the end, I had 12 follicles. Not bad for not suppressing! My husband and I had agreed that we did not want more than 10 fertilized because we did not want too many embryos being frozen, since we did not want to discard any. I was so excited the night of my trigger shot. Speaking of shots, they were all much easier than I ever expected. The subcutaneous shots are easily and almost painlessly done in the area below the belly button, and that is where I injected every day.

The morning of the retrieval on September 7 was pretty uneventful. The RE was friendly and comforting, as were the nurses. I handle surgery and anesthesia very well, so my anxiety level was low. I fell asleep in the OR very quickly, and awoke when it was all over in no pain. They wheeled me back out to my husband, and told us that 12 eggs were retrieved. We were very happy with that amount. I went home and rested, and eagerly awaited the phone call with the fertilization results the next day. I was told that 9 eggs were mature and 5 fertilized. I was hoping for more, but I was happy that I had any. I had such a fear that because of the male factor and the ICSI, something would be wrong. But 5 embryos were good for me! I was to return on September 10 for a day 3 transfer. We were finally on our way to becoming parents! I started the PIO injections that night, which the thought of petrified me. I have to say, they were not bad at all! I iced the area for 5 - 10 minutes before the injection, and did not feel any more pain that the subcutaneous injections. What a relief.

On the morning of the transfer, I followed all instructions perfectly and made sure I had a very full bladder. I arrived promptly at 11:15 for a 11:30 transfer. When we walked in to the office, the nurse reprimanded us for being late. I was appalled, and told her that we were perfectly on time for our 11:30 transfer. She told me that our scheduled time was at 11, and that I must have been given the wrong time. Apparently there was another girl there with the same first name and the nurse who made the phone call got confused. Obviously this did not make me happy, and diminished any confidence I had with this practice. However, they realized the mistake was theirs, and took me in right away. I changed and was wheeled into the OR, where I was happy to see the same RE who had performed my saline sono. She already knew the curve of my cervix, so it would not be as much of a struggle. With my husband holding my hand, she figured out the curve within a few minutes and placed two embryos into my uterus, one 8 celled and one 7 celled. I was told the 8 celled embryo was the best they come. We were so excited!!!!! As they wheeled me out, I could not stop the tears from flowing. I had such a good feeling that this was going to work! I would be pregnant and the nightmare of the past 3 years would finally be behind us!

The two week wait was tough. I was cranky and my boobs were very sore and I had cramps, so I was convinced I was not pregnant. And boy was I tired, but I get tired right before my period every month. I took a HPT one week after the transfer, and it was negative. I was crushed, and informed my husband, who was very mad at me for testing early. He called the RE's office, who informed us that it was too early to test and that I still may be pregnant. He told them that I had symptoms of my period, and they said that at this stage, it could also be signs of early pregnancy. I was not hopeful, and assumed I was not pregnant. My blood pregnancy test was scheduled for 11dp3dt, and I knew I wanted to retest right before that so I would not be surprised or as distraught when I received the negative results. So on 10dp3dt, I took another HPT at 4am. I was shocked to see an extremely faint second line forming!!!!! I woke up my husband to see if he saw what I saw, and Mr. Eagle Eyes saw it too! Oh my God!!! I was pregnant - maybe!!!!!! When I went in the next day for my blood test, I told the nurse that I had tested and that it was positive. I then told her that I had tested a few days before the positive test, and that it was negative. This actually proved that the trigger shot was out of my system. She told me that I was most likely pregnant, gave me a prescription for prenatal vitamins, and said congratulations! Wow! Was this really happening??? I went home elated, but still not completely sure until I received the phone call later that day. I had to visit my grandfather in the hospital and was not home for the phone call (I really did not want to be), but when I heard the message saying the test was positive and congratulations, I was ecstatic! I immediately called my husband with the great news, and he came home that night with the most beautiful bouquet of flowers and the biggest smile on his face. We were so happy. The next hurdle would be the follow up blood test in two days, but I really thought everything was going to be OK. I even set up an online pregnancy calendar with my dates, and signed up for a bunch of free pregnancy info and magazines.
I went in for my second blood test two days later, and asked the nurse what my first HCG level was. She told me 81, and that it was a decent number. I took her word for it, and asked if she could tell if it was twins from that number, and she said she could not. I was very uneasy waiting for the phone call that day because I knew that if the levels did not double, it was not good. I finally received my phone call that afternoon, and was told that I was at 109. Shit, I knew that couldn't be good. I asked the nurse if I should be worried, and she said she wouldn't worry yet since it was so early, but that I should return in two days for a follow up test. My bubble had burst. All the happiness I felt for the past few days had drained from my body. I called my husband right away and told him that there may be a problem. He told me I was being silly and that everything was going to be OK. He even proceeded to call everyone he knew to announce that we were pregnant. This did not comfort me because I knew the more people who know would be the more people we would have to inform if the pregnancy did not work out. But he insisted on telling everyone. He was confident everything would be OK. We went to church and prayed. Two days later I had my third blood test, which revealed HCG levels of 177. Shit, this was not good news. I was not doubling at all. I was completely crushed. My friends and family all told me that for some reason they had a feeling that everything would be OK, and I tried to take that to heart. I had to return in two days for my 4th blood test.

The morning of the test, I was called into my REs office before the nurse drew blood. This was not the norm, and I knew this couldn't be good. My RE informed me that the pregnancy was not looking good based on the HCG levels, and that I would most likely miscarry. He told me that either a) he could be completely wrong and the pregnancy would be fine, b) this was an ectopic pregnancy, or c) I would miscarry within a couple of weeks. If I did miscarry, it would not be any time soon because my progesterone levels were very high. He wanted me to come in the middle of the following week for a sonogram to determine if anything was in the uterus. I was hurt, angry, and confused. Why was this happening? How could this happen to somebody who has already gone through so much? I really felt sorry for myself and just wanted to cry. I told my husband the news, and he was extremely pissed that the doctor told me this bad news without him being there. He felt horrible thinking about me hearing this alone. He came home from work early to comfort me, and we took a nap. We were awakened a little while later by the phone call from the RE nurse, who told us that the levels today were 390, and that the doctor was happy with this number. What??? I just prepared myself for a failed pregnancy. Did this mean that everything might be alright? I hung up the phone and started to cry hysterically. My husband thought I had been given bad news, so I had to try to explain to him that the news was good, and that the numbers were finally starting to double. We went to church and prayed again. We lit candles. If we saw a sac or two at the sonogram next week we would be on track!

The first sonogram revealed nothing. No sac. We still did not know what the heck was going on. But the RE of the day told us that it still was too early to see anything based on my numbers. Why the hell did I need a sonogram then? He told me that we still had a chance that everything would be OK, but that it was possible that it would not. I would need to come back in a few days to see if there was a sac. More waiting, more anxiety and fear, more crying.

Home Sweet Home

The house is ours again! For the past week and a half, my cousin from Florida and her two children were staying with us to attend the funeral of our grandfather. He was very ill and suffering, so I am glad that he is at peace now. I love her and her children, ages 1 and 7, so I am always excited when they come to visit. But it is always a shock when a usually quiet and peaceful home is suddenly erupt with screams and cries and the smell of poop and toy sounds and questions. I guess it is a prelude of what is to come someday.

But as much as I love her company, it is still nice to have your home back. I will be very busy today cleaning and putting away Christmas decorations. Hubby is busy watching football game, so the day is mine to enjoy at my leisure.

Discussed last night with my sister who is soon to give birth that I will be the baby's nanny when she has to return to work. I was laid off from my job last May, and have decided to try to stay at home while trying to get pregnant. If we can manage financially, I will be a stay at home mom. In the meantime, I will happily serve as nanny to my baby nephew, and will do the same for my youngest sister when the time comes. The family is so excited about these babies being born, and it is usually the topic of most conversations. Sometimes I pretend I am not there, but most times I am OK and participate. I just feel so weird and out of place. Never have felt that way with my own family, but I hope it is just a temporary feeling!

Welcome To My Blog!

Hello, and welcome to my new blog! After reading many infertility, pregnancy, and adoption blogs for several months, I have finally decided to start one of my own. To catch everyone up on what is happening in my life, I will expand on my bio. I am currently waiting until the end of January to start on my second IVF cycle. The first cycle ended terribly with a miscarriage, and I hope and pray that the second one results in a baby or two (twins would be perfect!).

My journey with infertility has been very painful for me. I married almost 4 years ago with the desire to have children right away. I was devastated after we learned that we would not be able to conceive naturally due to male factor. I have spent the last 4 years as a bitter and unhappy woman, and I realize how unfair that has been to my husband, who is not so deeply affected emotionally by the infertility. And that makes it more difficult for me, because I feel like I am in this alone sometimes. We have gone through some very hard times, but we always end up working things out together.

Over the past 4 years I have seen friends, relatives, and strangers become pregnant, some twice! I always hate the feeling that overcomes me when I am told the news - a mixture of jealousy and guilt all rolled into one. Being the oldest of three girls, my BIGGEST fear always was that one of my sisters would become pregnant before me. Of course, that fear came true when my middle sister became pregnant in May (she is due next month). I am truly very, very happy for her, but those ugly feelings did arise. When I was pregnant after my first IVF in September, I finally felt like a normal human being that didn't have those ugly feelings anymore. Then the miscarriage happened, followed by a horrible D & C, followed by the announcement that my youngest sister was now pregnant too! Holy shit!!!!!! I wanted to crawl into a deep dark hole and never come out! I think I am still in that hole. But still, I am happy for her and wish these feelings would go away. Anyone who has gone through this knows what a horrible, ugly feeling it is. You feel selfish and wrong but you can't help it. Something that you want so badly comes naturally and easily to everyone around you.
I've also had to endure the rude comments by friends and family members. The most recent was "So when are you gonna get pregnant? You are the oldest you know". This comment was made at a family party and I couldn't even hold back the tears. My family felt so horribly for me, and it was so embarrassing. I have now decided that I will not attend any more family gatherings until my situation has changed. Except I must attend my sister's baby shower on Saturday, of course!

Enough rambling for one day. There will be plenty more tomorrow!