IVF #1 and the Miscarriage - Part 1
At the end of July 2004, I began my first IVF cycle by starting the birth control pill. It was the first time I had ever been on the pill, and I joked with a friend about how ironic it was that I had to go on the pill to get pregnant. During this time frame, I had a saline sono performed by one of the REs at my center, who had a very difficult time inserting the catheter into my cervix. That was extremely painful and scary. Finally, she was able to figure out the "curve", and completed the procedure. She told me everything was OK, and exited the room. After I got dressed and was about to leave, she re-entered the room, telling me that she looked at the pictures again, and was not so sure they were normal. Completely freaked out, I asked her what this meant. She told me that it was possible that I had bands of fibrous tissue that could easily be removed with surgery. I did not know she meant a septum. I explained to her that my HSG was normal, and she wanted to see it. A week later, I met with my main RE, who told me that the HSG appeared normal, but the saline sono did not, and he wanted to make sure by ordering a 3D sonogram of my uterus to determine if I had a septum, or a bicornuate uterus. I scheduled the test right away, and it was determined that I had a heart shaped bicornuate uterus. They did not believe that anything needed to be done about it, and they felt that because it was not severe, it should not negatively affect a pregnancy. Happy with this, we proceeded with the IVF cycle.
I believe I was on the pill for about 3 weeks before I started on Lupron, which I hated. Unfortunately, I did not suppress on the Lupron, so I had to stop taking it and wait until I got my period the following week. On day three of my period, I began Follistim, and then Repronex a few days before the retrieval. Everything seemed to be going well. I did have one follicle that was growing faster than the others, but in the end, I had 12 follicles. Not bad for not suppressing! My husband and I had agreed that we did not want more than 10 fertilized because we did not want too many embryos being frozen, since we did not want to discard any. I was so excited the night of my trigger shot. Speaking of shots, they were all much easier than I ever expected. The subcutaneous shots are easily and almost painlessly done in the area below the belly button, and that is where I injected every day.
The morning of the retrieval on September 7 was pretty uneventful. The RE was friendly and comforting, as were the nurses. I handle surgery and anesthesia very well, so my anxiety level was low. I fell asleep in the OR very quickly, and awoke when it was all over in no pain. They wheeled me back out to my husband, and told us that 12 eggs were retrieved. We were very happy with that amount. I went home and rested, and eagerly awaited the phone call with the fertilization results the next day. I was told that 9 eggs were mature and 5 fertilized. I was hoping for more, but I was happy that I had any. I had such a fear that because of the male factor and the ICSI, something would be wrong. But 5 embryos were good for me! I was to return on September 10 for a day 3 transfer. We were finally on our way to becoming parents! I started the PIO injections that night, which the thought of petrified me. I have to say, they were not bad at all! I iced the area for 5 - 10 minutes before the injection, and did not feel any more pain that the subcutaneous injections. What a relief.
On the morning of the transfer, I followed all instructions perfectly and made sure I had a very full bladder. I arrived promptly at 11:15 for a 11:30 transfer. When we walked in to the office, the nurse reprimanded us for being late. I was appalled, and told her that we were perfectly on time for our 11:30 transfer. She told me that our scheduled time was at 11, and that I must have been given the wrong time. Apparently there was another girl there with the same first name and the nurse who made the phone call got confused. Obviously this did not make me happy, and diminished any confidence I had with this practice. However, they realized the mistake was theirs, and took me in right away. I changed and was wheeled into the OR, where I was happy to see the same RE who had performed my saline sono. She already knew the curve of my cervix, so it would not be as much of a struggle. With my husband holding my hand, she figured out the curve within a few minutes and placed two embryos into my uterus, one 8 celled and one 7 celled. I was told the 8 celled embryo was the best they come. We were so excited!!!!! As they wheeled me out, I could not stop the tears from flowing. I had such a good feeling that this was going to work! I would be pregnant and the nightmare of the past 3 years would finally be behind us!
The two week wait was tough. I was cranky and my boobs were very sore and I had cramps, so I was convinced I was not pregnant. And boy was I tired, but I get tired right before my period every month. I took a HPT one week after the transfer, and it was negative. I was crushed, and informed my husband, who was very mad at me for testing early. He called the RE's office, who informed us that it was too early to test and that I still may be pregnant. He told them that I had symptoms of my period, and they said that at this stage, it could also be signs of early pregnancy. I was not hopeful, and assumed I was not pregnant. My blood pregnancy test was scheduled for 11dp3dt, and I knew I wanted to retest right before that so I would not be surprised or as distraught when I received the negative results. So on 10dp3dt, I took another HPT at 4am. I was shocked to see an extremely faint second line forming!!!!! I woke up my husband to see if he saw what I saw, and Mr. Eagle Eyes saw it too! Oh my God!!! I was pregnant - maybe!!!!!! When I went in the next day for my blood test, I told the nurse that I had tested and that it was positive. I then told her that I had tested a few days before the positive test, and that it was negative. This actually proved that the trigger shot was out of my system. She told me that I was most likely pregnant, gave me a prescription for prenatal vitamins, and said congratulations! Wow! Was this really happening??? I went home elated, but still not completely sure until I received the phone call later that day. I had to visit my grandfather in the hospital and was not home for the phone call (I really did not want to be), but when I heard the message saying the test was positive and congratulations, I was ecstatic! I immediately called my husband with the great news, and he came home that night with the most beautiful bouquet of flowers and the biggest smile on his face. We were so happy. The next hurdle would be the follow up blood test in two days, but I really thought everything was going to be OK. I even set up an online pregnancy calendar with my dates, and signed up for a bunch of free pregnancy info and magazines.
I went in for my second blood test two days later, and asked the nurse what my first HCG level was. She told me 81, and that it was a decent number. I took her word for it, and asked if she could tell if it was twins from that number, and she said she could not. I was very uneasy waiting for the phone call that day because I knew that if the levels did not double, it was not good. I finally received my phone call that afternoon, and was told that I was at 109. Shit, I knew that couldn't be good. I asked the nurse if I should be worried, and she said she wouldn't worry yet since it was so early, but that I should return in two days for a follow up test. My bubble had burst. All the happiness I felt for the past few days had drained from my body. I called my husband right away and told him that there may be a problem. He told me I was being silly and that everything was going to be OK. He even proceeded to call everyone he knew to announce that we were pregnant. This did not comfort me because I knew the more people who know would be the more people we would have to inform if the pregnancy did not work out. But he insisted on telling everyone. He was confident everything would be OK. We went to church and prayed. Two days later I had my third blood test, which revealed HCG levels of 177. Shit, this was not good news. I was not doubling at all. I was completely crushed. My friends and family all told me that for some reason they had a feeling that everything would be OK, and I tried to take that to heart. I had to return in two days for my 4th blood test.
The morning of the test, I was called into my REs office before the nurse drew blood. This was not the norm, and I knew this couldn't be good. My RE informed me that the pregnancy was not looking good based on the HCG levels, and that I would most likely miscarry. He told me that either a) he could be completely wrong and the pregnancy would be fine, b) this was an ectopic pregnancy, or c) I would miscarry within a couple of weeks. If I did miscarry, it would not be any time soon because my progesterone levels were very high. He wanted me to come in the middle of the following week for a sonogram to determine if anything was in the uterus. I was hurt, angry, and confused. Why was this happening? How could this happen to somebody who has already gone through so much? I really felt sorry for myself and just wanted to cry. I told my husband the news, and he was extremely pissed that the doctor told me this bad news without him being there. He felt horrible thinking about me hearing this alone. He came home from work early to comfort me, and we took a nap. We were awakened a little while later by the phone call from the RE nurse, who told us that the levels today were 390, and that the doctor was happy with this number. What??? I just prepared myself for a failed pregnancy. Did this mean that everything might be alright? I hung up the phone and started to cry hysterically. My husband thought I had been given bad news, so I had to try to explain to him that the news was good, and that the numbers were finally starting to double. We went to church and prayed again. We lit candles. If we saw a sac or two at the sonogram next week we would be on track!
The first sonogram revealed nothing. No sac. We still did not know what the heck was going on. But the RE of the day told us that it still was too early to see anything based on my numbers. Why the hell did I need a sonogram then? He told me that we still had a chance that everything would be OK, but that it was possible that it would not. I would need to come back in a few days to see if there was a sac. More waiting, more anxiety and fear, more crying.
I believe I was on the pill for about 3 weeks before I started on Lupron, which I hated. Unfortunately, I did not suppress on the Lupron, so I had to stop taking it and wait until I got my period the following week. On day three of my period, I began Follistim, and then Repronex a few days before the retrieval. Everything seemed to be going well. I did have one follicle that was growing faster than the others, but in the end, I had 12 follicles. Not bad for not suppressing! My husband and I had agreed that we did not want more than 10 fertilized because we did not want too many embryos being frozen, since we did not want to discard any. I was so excited the night of my trigger shot. Speaking of shots, they were all much easier than I ever expected. The subcutaneous shots are easily and almost painlessly done in the area below the belly button, and that is where I injected every day.
The morning of the retrieval on September 7 was pretty uneventful. The RE was friendly and comforting, as were the nurses. I handle surgery and anesthesia very well, so my anxiety level was low. I fell asleep in the OR very quickly, and awoke when it was all over in no pain. They wheeled me back out to my husband, and told us that 12 eggs were retrieved. We were very happy with that amount. I went home and rested, and eagerly awaited the phone call with the fertilization results the next day. I was told that 9 eggs were mature and 5 fertilized. I was hoping for more, but I was happy that I had any. I had such a fear that because of the male factor and the ICSI, something would be wrong. But 5 embryos were good for me! I was to return on September 10 for a day 3 transfer. We were finally on our way to becoming parents! I started the PIO injections that night, which the thought of petrified me. I have to say, they were not bad at all! I iced the area for 5 - 10 minutes before the injection, and did not feel any more pain that the subcutaneous injections. What a relief.
On the morning of the transfer, I followed all instructions perfectly and made sure I had a very full bladder. I arrived promptly at 11:15 for a 11:30 transfer. When we walked in to the office, the nurse reprimanded us for being late. I was appalled, and told her that we were perfectly on time for our 11:30 transfer. She told me that our scheduled time was at 11, and that I must have been given the wrong time. Apparently there was another girl there with the same first name and the nurse who made the phone call got confused. Obviously this did not make me happy, and diminished any confidence I had with this practice. However, they realized the mistake was theirs, and took me in right away. I changed and was wheeled into the OR, where I was happy to see the same RE who had performed my saline sono. She already knew the curve of my cervix, so it would not be as much of a struggle. With my husband holding my hand, she figured out the curve within a few minutes and placed two embryos into my uterus, one 8 celled and one 7 celled. I was told the 8 celled embryo was the best they come. We were so excited!!!!! As they wheeled me out, I could not stop the tears from flowing. I had such a good feeling that this was going to work! I would be pregnant and the nightmare of the past 3 years would finally be behind us!
The two week wait was tough. I was cranky and my boobs were very sore and I had cramps, so I was convinced I was not pregnant. And boy was I tired, but I get tired right before my period every month. I took a HPT one week after the transfer, and it was negative. I was crushed, and informed my husband, who was very mad at me for testing early. He called the RE's office, who informed us that it was too early to test and that I still may be pregnant. He told them that I had symptoms of my period, and they said that at this stage, it could also be signs of early pregnancy. I was not hopeful, and assumed I was not pregnant. My blood pregnancy test was scheduled for 11dp3dt, and I knew I wanted to retest right before that so I would not be surprised or as distraught when I received the negative results. So on 10dp3dt, I took another HPT at 4am. I was shocked to see an extremely faint second line forming!!!!! I woke up my husband to see if he saw what I saw, and Mr. Eagle Eyes saw it too! Oh my God!!! I was pregnant - maybe!!!!!! When I went in the next day for my blood test, I told the nurse that I had tested and that it was positive. I then told her that I had tested a few days before the positive test, and that it was negative. This actually proved that the trigger shot was out of my system. She told me that I was most likely pregnant, gave me a prescription for prenatal vitamins, and said congratulations! Wow! Was this really happening??? I went home elated, but still not completely sure until I received the phone call later that day. I had to visit my grandfather in the hospital and was not home for the phone call (I really did not want to be), but when I heard the message saying the test was positive and congratulations, I was ecstatic! I immediately called my husband with the great news, and he came home that night with the most beautiful bouquet of flowers and the biggest smile on his face. We were so happy. The next hurdle would be the follow up blood test in two days, but I really thought everything was going to be OK. I even set up an online pregnancy calendar with my dates, and signed up for a bunch of free pregnancy info and magazines.
I went in for my second blood test two days later, and asked the nurse what my first HCG level was. She told me 81, and that it was a decent number. I took her word for it, and asked if she could tell if it was twins from that number, and she said she could not. I was very uneasy waiting for the phone call that day because I knew that if the levels did not double, it was not good. I finally received my phone call that afternoon, and was told that I was at 109. Shit, I knew that couldn't be good. I asked the nurse if I should be worried, and she said she wouldn't worry yet since it was so early, but that I should return in two days for a follow up test. My bubble had burst. All the happiness I felt for the past few days had drained from my body. I called my husband right away and told him that there may be a problem. He told me I was being silly and that everything was going to be OK. He even proceeded to call everyone he knew to announce that we were pregnant. This did not comfort me because I knew the more people who know would be the more people we would have to inform if the pregnancy did not work out. But he insisted on telling everyone. He was confident everything would be OK. We went to church and prayed. Two days later I had my third blood test, which revealed HCG levels of 177. Shit, this was not good news. I was not doubling at all. I was completely crushed. My friends and family all told me that for some reason they had a feeling that everything would be OK, and I tried to take that to heart. I had to return in two days for my 4th blood test.
The morning of the test, I was called into my REs office before the nurse drew blood. This was not the norm, and I knew this couldn't be good. My RE informed me that the pregnancy was not looking good based on the HCG levels, and that I would most likely miscarry. He told me that either a) he could be completely wrong and the pregnancy would be fine, b) this was an ectopic pregnancy, or c) I would miscarry within a couple of weeks. If I did miscarry, it would not be any time soon because my progesterone levels were very high. He wanted me to come in the middle of the following week for a sonogram to determine if anything was in the uterus. I was hurt, angry, and confused. Why was this happening? How could this happen to somebody who has already gone through so much? I really felt sorry for myself and just wanted to cry. I told my husband the news, and he was extremely pissed that the doctor told me this bad news without him being there. He felt horrible thinking about me hearing this alone. He came home from work early to comfort me, and we took a nap. We were awakened a little while later by the phone call from the RE nurse, who told us that the levels today were 390, and that the doctor was happy with this number. What??? I just prepared myself for a failed pregnancy. Did this mean that everything might be alright? I hung up the phone and started to cry hysterically. My husband thought I had been given bad news, so I had to try to explain to him that the news was good, and that the numbers were finally starting to double. We went to church and prayed again. We lit candles. If we saw a sac or two at the sonogram next week we would be on track!
The first sonogram revealed nothing. No sac. We still did not know what the heck was going on. But the RE of the day told us that it still was too early to see anything based on my numbers. Why the hell did I need a sonogram then? He told me that we still had a chance that everything would be OK, but that it was possible that it would not. I would need to come back in a few days to see if there was a sac. More waiting, more anxiety and fear, more crying.
posted by Lisa @ 1:23 AM
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