Where To Go From Here?

I am officially back in my old room at my parents' house. I am not finished removing all my belongings from the house that used to be mine, nor am I finished unpacking what I have taken so far, so things are very upside down right now. I got back from Florida on Sunday, which was lovely. My next adventure is St. Maarten next week for my friend's wedding. Maybe this should become a travel blog - how I wish I could make a career out of vacationing! But reality will soon be setting in as I am most likely returning to the company I left last year after my department was eliminated. It's been quite an eventful year, and certainly not in a good way at all. I am so used to it though, that it just doesn't get me down anymore. Except when I am PMSing, then everything seems worse. But overall, everything is fine, and I finally feel at peace with my life. I no longer have to watch everything I say and do in order to please someone who always seemed to want to change me. It feels weird to have MY life back again, and be the person I once was. I really did not realize what a negative impact my marriage had on me until a couple of weeks ago. I am still not sure if it was actually my husband or the situations we had to deal with, but regardless, it was a lot of negative crap. Right now, I am content not being in a relationship. I have never been able to say that before. Every time a relationship ended, I felt nervous and insecure about being alone, so this is a new feeling for me. I guess I am finally comfortable with myself, and I like who I am. The three years of marriage counseling may not have helped the marriage, but it certainly helped me.

I am really not sure which direction I will be going in with this blog. Obviously I don't fit the criteria of infertile anymore, since I am no longer trying to have a baby at the moment. But the infertility and miscarriage had such an impact on my life that it is something that has changed me forever. I still get a little bit of that jealous feeling when I find out someone I know is pregnant. But at least now that I am separated no one will say to me "so when are you going to have a baby?" But then again, I wouldn't put it past people. People seem to love to remind women that they are getting older and should "get a move on" and have a baby. I have to say this experience has made me much more aware of my comments to others, and now I really think before I speak. I also do not take anything for granted, and appreciate the good things that are in my life, such as my family and friends. I have been watching my two-month old nephew, and it is such a wonderful experience to see him everyday and watch him change little by little. My sisters have been blessed with pregnancy and babies, and I am blessed with a beautiful nephew and one on the way.

I will keep the name of my blog the same, but I guess I will just approach it as a daily journal of my thoughts, which is what I initially started it for. It might be all over the place at times because that is how my life is right now, but at least I can get my feelings out.