The Ugly Side

I feel like shit right now. My husband and I went out to dinner tonight with my family, which consists of my mom and dad, pregnant younger sister (29) who is due any minute, and pregnant youngest sister (26) who is due in July. When I saw my youngest sister walk into the restaurant in her new maternity blouse, something in me snapped. I had to hide my face in my menu so that nobody would notice my red face and tears forming. I think to hide the pain, I became snippy and sensitive. My mom told me I looked good in my red shirt, and I told her to stop saying things like that. I feel like she compliments me because she feels sorry for me. Which I know she really does. But nobody is feeling more sorry for me than myself. I just feel like such a @#$# loser. Then my husband got pissed at me because I told him to "butt out" of a conversation I was having with my sister. When we left and got into the car, he told me I was no longer fun to be around. No, more like screamed it at me. And it is the truth. I don't even like being around me anymore. For some reason, the birth control pill makes me feel pre-menstrual, and very emotional. I can't stand it, and can't wait to be done with it on Sunday. I am so sick of feeling like this. I should be enjoying life, but I am hating it right now. Please let me feel more positive tomorrow!

Oh, and another thing that really upset me was the insensitive comments made by my friend the other day. She has two kids that she conceived effortlessly, and no longer goes out with friends to socialize. If you want to hang out with her, you have to go to her house. I said to her, wouldn't it be nice if every now and then you had your husband babysit and we went out for a drink like we used to? She told me she has no desire to go out for a drink, she can drink at home, she is perfectly content with her life, and that I feel this way because I don't have any kids. She repeated the "you don't have any kids" line several more times in the conversation. Gee, thanks for reminding me. I almost forgot. What the hell was I thinking, wanting to go out a couple times a year with friends? My parents still went out after they had us. Is it normal to stop socializing with other adults outside of your home when you have children?