Time Flies (Whether You're Having Fun or Not)

Yes, now I am having fun, but a year ago that certainly was not the case. I cannot believe that it has been a year since I started my first and last IVF cycle. Last year at this time I was stressing about my freaky uterus and not suppressing on Lupron. I was injecting myself daily with the hopes of a successful cycle. It really did not cross my mind too much that I may have a miscarriage - I assumed the hurdle would be getting pregnant. I realize now how depressed I really was, losing myself as I died little by little. All I cared about was getting pregnant and having a baby. My perception of the experience was that my husband was unsupportive about the whole thing, as I could not tell him my feelings and fears, or really cry on his shoulder. Those of you with supportive husbands truly are blessed - it just makes the heartache a little bit easier to deal with. My heart goes out to each and every one of you who continue to struggle to achieve your dream of becoming a mother. I continue to read my blogs every day, and hope and pray for something good for each and every one of you. You truly deserve it.

These days I get so much joy from my baby nephews. My six-month old nephew that I watch every day is so much fun to be around. I am helping to raise a child, 8-10 hours a day, and it feels great. It was always my dream to be a stay at home mom, but I never thought I would experience it as I am in my current situation. It really is wonderful, and I am grateful that I have the opportunity to do it. I know I can't be unemployed forever, but for now, it is great. I wake up happy and go to bed happy - what more could I ask for?

Things with my new beau are still going great. We are traveling together next month to see his sister (my best friend) and his mom in Arizona, so I am really looking forward to that. It is such a pleasure to be with someone who doesn't make a huge deal out of every little thing. We go through things that would have ended up being a week long fight in my marriage, only now it is dealt with in a normal, healthy way. We let each other be who we are, and do not try to change each other. So things are really good, and I am finally happy. It is amazing how much life can change so quickly.