More Reasons Why I Hate May

OK, I am starting to PMS, and therefore starting to feel negative and depressed. Here are some more reasons why I now hate the month of May:

1) Most obvious reason as I previously stated - daughter would have been born this month

2) Mother's Day - although I love and appreciate my mother more than anything in the world, this day was particularly hard this year. Had I not had the miscarriage, I obviously would have been celebrating it as an expectant mom. Instead, I had to pretend everything was fine and celebrate it with my mom, sister who is a new mom, and sister who is expecting her first baby in July. Fun day for all but me, although I pretended I was fine.

3) My birthday is in May - sounds silly to hate your birthday, but as I approach 32 in 9 days, I am forced to realize that I am not getting any younger, and I am nowhere near where I thought I would be at this point in my life. I am disappointed in myself and my place in this world. Obviously I had hoped I would be happily married with a couple of children. Oh well...

4) My anniversary (or former anniversary) is this month. I think about the vows we took and the promises we made, and I get extremely mad at what bullshit it all was. I took my vows seriously, and believed that we would stick together through the good times and the bad times, blah blah blah. Why bother taking vows if you don't mean them?

I am sure I can come up with more reasons of why I hate May, formerly my favorite month, but I am tired and depressed and need to go to bed. If I think of any more reasons, I will post tomorrow. Goodnight.

MAY This Month Be Over Soon

May. Nine months ago I couldn't wait for it to be here. Now I hate it. This is the month that my daughter would have been born. I cry all the time. I can be laughing one second, then think about this, and before I know it I am crying. Doesn't matter where I am - driving, with family, with friends, at a wedding. I do my best to hide it, but I don't know if I am doing a good job. It's just really, really, hard. And so damn sad. Is this the way it is going to be now? In June, am I going to cry because my daughter would have been one month old? And in July... Will it ever end, or is this it now? I may always be on the verge of tears for a long time. Don't get me wrong, I still have fun and participate like a normal human being, but the miscarriage was the heartbreak of my life, and it will always rip at my soul. To anyone who has ever been through this, I truly am sorry and I feel for you. No one deserves to feel this way.